From Silence to Support: My Mental Health Journey and the Birth of Headspace FC

From Silence to Support: My Mental Health Journey and the Birth of Headspace FC

By Kenny Bartonshaw

Talking about mental health never came naturally to me. I always kept things inside, unsure how to express what I was feeling.

I grew up as the middle child of three boys — the quiet one. Shy and reserved, I preferred to keep my thoughts to myself. Even now, my grandparents remind my own children how I was “always the quiet one.” I found unfamiliar situations uncomfortable and rarely had the confidence to speak up. But one thing always made sense to me: football.

Football: My First Headspace

Football was more than just a game — it was my escape. I spent hours playing on the green behind our house, lost in the rhythm of the ball. When I wasn’t playing, I was writing fictional and real match reports, sketching footballers, and watching as much of the game as I could.

Some of my fondest memories are of watching Football Italia on the old black-and-white TV in our bedroom and spending entire days engrossed in FA Cup Final coverage. Football surrounded me — on the pitch, in my notebooks, and on the screen. It gave me a sense of identity and belonging.

On the pitch, I wasn’t the quiet kid anymore. I was vocal, confident, even aggressive — someone others looked to. Coaching gave me the same outlet. It became a mask I wore not just in football, but in other parts of life too. Whether I was teaching, coaching, or leading a training session, I knew how to perform. But under the surface, I was still struggling with self-doubt.

Loss, Reflection, and Breaking Points

Before my mum passed away, I was already experiencing significant mental health struggles. I’d made a job move — from coaching at Stoke City to West Bromwich Albion — and it came at a really tough time. My mum had just been diagnosed with cancer, and I was battling growing anxiety and self-doubt. The 90-minute drives to work were filled with negative thoughts and questions about whether I was good enough, whether I was doing the right thing.

I was physically feeling it too. Each morning, I’d arrive at work and be sick in the sink before putting on a mask and getting through the day. I didn’t tell anyone. I just kept going, hoping it would pass. But it didn’t — and after a couple of months, I crashed. I became withdrawn, depressed, and needed time off. It was my mum — even while dealing with her own illness — who convinced me to take that break. She helped me realise I couldn’t look after others if I wasn’t looking after myself.

Shortly after, she passed away. That loss hit me harder than I ever expected. Her funeral was packed — so many people came that some had to stand outside. That moment made me realise just how deeply she had impacted others. It forced me to reflect on my own life, to ask questions I hadn’t asked before: What do I stand for? Am I making a difference? What kind of legacy will I leave behind?

Starting Over, Rebuilding

Eventually, I returned to coaching at Stoke, but I knew something had shifted in me. I needed a fresh start. So I stepped away from the world of football coaching — a world I’d known and felt comfortable in for over 10 years. It wasn’t easy walking away from something that had been part of my identity for so long, but it was the right move.

I began a new journey: I went back to university, completed my degree, and then trained to become a teacher. That transition brought its own challenges — doubts, anxieties, and moments when I wasn’t sure I’d made the right choice. But I stuck with it. And now, over a decade later, I’m still teaching and still passionate about helping others grow and find their path.

Grief, Guilt, and a Growing Awareness

Life continued to throw things at me and knock my mental health. I lost a cousin to suicide, a friend to drowning, and saw my best friend diagnosed with terminal cancer. Each of these moments made me stop and question myself. The grief brought anxiety, guilt, and a heightened awareness of how fragile life can be. But it also made me realise how important it is to open up, to talk, and to listen.

During my teacher training and in my early years as a qualified teacher, I still struggled. I questioned if I was good enough, whether I had made the right choice. More than once I felt like walking away. But with support from my wife, my university tutor - who has become a great friend and mentor and he has always been that person I have been able to speak to, and a Principal who believed in me, I kept going. That support carried me through — and I’m glad it did, I love my job and constantly push myself to "Be the change, you want to see" and I wish I had listened to my mum sooner when she told me to become a teacher!

Family, Football, and Finding Purpose

Now, as a dad to three amazing kids, life brings its own stresses. Like many parents, I often ask myself: “Am I doing enough?” Our eldest is autistic, and as a SEND family, we’ve faced long battles with services to get the support he deserves. It’s brought pressure not just to me and my wife, but also to the whole family. Some days are hard. But we keep going.

Despite everything, football found its way back into my life — just like it always does. After more than a decade away (aside from the odd charity match), I started playing again with the Stone Old Alleynians Veterans team. But with work, kids, clubs, and weekly commitments, I couldn’t play consistently.

So in April 2024, I got together with my younger brother Cliff and organised a casual kickabout with some old friends. We were older, slower, and a bit rusty — but we loved it. That one game led to another. And when numbers started to drop, we invited a few more people through Facebook. Soon we had 16 to 20 players showing up every week.

Headspace FC: More Than a Game

In April 2025, Cliff and I decided to give the group more purpose. Inspired by the impact our mum had on the community, we wanted to do something that gave back. Something that made a difference. That’s how Headspace FC was born.

We teamed up with Man Time, a local men’s mental health group, and officially launched Headspace FC — a football group that puts mental wellbeing at its core. Since then, the group has grown rapidly. We’ve welcomed new players, connected with ex-professionals and ambassadors, partnered with other clubs, and seen companies come on board to support the cause.

Creating Headspace FC has given me something I didn’t even realise I needed. It’s become a passion, a purpose, and a powerful part of my own mental health journey. I’ve made new friends, reconnected with old ones, and rediscovered parts of myself that I thought I’d lost. Our weekly games give me time to reflect, to reset, and to refuel.

This isn’t about fame or recognition. It’s about helping people — especially those who might be struggling in silence like I once was. Headspace FC is a place where you can show up exactly as you are. Where you feel like you belong. Where talking is encouraged and support is real.

Even if all we do is make one person more aware of the importance of mental health — then we’ve already made a change.

As the great Ted Lasso says, “Believe in the power of teamwork. Together, we can achieve great things.”

Please, if anyone wants to talk, become involved in Headspace Fc or anything, do not hesitate to contact myself or Headspace FC

Kenny Bartonshaw

Co-Founder of Headspace FC